Hello everyone! As specified in the title I have a super awesome treat for you all. But first I will announce the winners for the funny caption contest!
#1 winner is erinkenobi with “that certainly isn’t vanilla!” close second is fruitfulvinewife with “where have they been hiding THIS?”
#2 winner is writefury with “ah my sweet we are alone at last.”
Congratulations you winners!
Now for for the treat! We were passover cleaning our play room when we stumbled upon this!
Wow. Ok so this is the cover of my “advencher novel” that I started when I was 9. I sadly never finished it. 😦
Aww! look at that little copyright in the corner! No I did not write it like that. It got turned backwards in photo booth.
Prepare to laugh your guts out!
I will try to do a summary that keeps the funny parts.
*takes deep breath*
Once upon a time there was an orphan girl who lived in Spain. Her name was rosa she had a dog and a horse. She was 9 years old. No one liked her except a restaurant owner named carman. Carman treated her like a daughter and whenever someone made fun of her she raised the prices on food. Then one day a stranger walked in and tied up rosa, knocked her out, and brought her to his lair. The next morning rosa wakes up to a black-haired “russin” named Ivan who “Vants to kill you!” Her dog somehow sensing her distress hops on rosa’s horse and rides to the lair. He chews through her ropes and rosa jumps on her horse and rides away through a barrage of bullets from Yuri. Who’s Yuri? Then Alexander (apparently their boss) comes out with “Fools! I need her alive so I can find out where her father buried the gold!”
(What gold? What father?) So the “russin” bad guys with German accents go and follow rosa to the hotel she’s staying at. Rosa wakes up the next morning to the “russins” INSIDE her room. and they do nothing while she hops out the window with her pet dog and zip lines down a clothes line into the waiting arms of Ivan. (Maybe he teleported?) Ivan then promptly ties her hands behind her back and chucks her in the river. (So they don’t need her alive then?) She of course slips her hands out then proceeds to fall down a water fall where her horse and dog are awaiting her. Rosa hops on her horse and travels for hours until she sees the shade of a tree and stops to rest there. Suddenly the dust devil turns into a tornado and suck Rosa up into it where she is once again knocked out. (this time by a flying branch) When she wakes up she finds herself in Switzerland. The store is still raging and she landed on top of a barn. She sees a lightning bolt heading for her head. (Man that’s some slow lightning.) So she moves and the roof caves in. Rosa crawls out of the pile of straw she landed in to see a Pterodactyl just standing there in the barn. She gives him a few compliments and in return asks him to fly her over the town. (copying how to train your dragon anyone?) She flies to the top of a hill where she gets off the pterodactyl and walks into the market place. She immediately goes to a slave girl and asks who she is. The slave replies “My name is Ady.” Weird spelling. Ady tells Rosa to run or else her master would make her a slave too. Rosa nobly refuses and gets in an eloquent debate of rights with the slave master. A.K.A. “Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No! Wi! Nope! Yes! No!” This is where the slave master, Luigi Knocks her out. (Again?) Then when she wakes up her swiss master with an italian name introduces Rosa to his wife with a french name, Mousse and his pet poodle Paris. They next give her a list of chores including the following.
you… Get up at 5:00 A.M.
Cook and eat oatmeal.
Make us…. muffins, fruit salad, crem brule, custard and tea or coffee.
polish shoes, help Mousse get dressed, cook lunch and dinner, make dessert and help Ady wash dishes.
(So the other slave girl only has to wash dishes?)
So then rosa gets really angry and stomps up to the slave room and goes to sleep in a huff. The next morning she is woken up by a task master whipping her back and yelling “Wake up!” The task master heard that she was stubborn to which Rosa replies that she’s not a slave. So (Here comes another cliche) He chops off her hair and says she deserved it. So she goes down stairs and helps Mousse get dressed. (Rosa makes a gold silk dress by hand in 10 minutes.) O__0 The whole while Mousse is ranting about the party she’s having in 45 minutes. (Isn’t this at five A.M.? A fancy party at 5:45 A.M.?) Then Mousse gives Rosa a list of food for the party that must be ready by then. ( keep in mind that this is her first day.) I will spell this as it is in the book.
For the party-
cacks, froots, muffins, wafuls, serup, berrys, eggs, tost, jam cookys,hash brouns.
Rosa cooked all the thing in a short amount of time and pulled the “cack” out when the oven beeped. (Oven? What time period was I going for?) The cake turns out to be burnt on top and raw in the middle. (How did she manage that?)The party starts and is going smoothly until one of the ladies lets go of her balloon. Rosa ends up jumping off the rail to grab it….and ends up getting knocked out again and landing with a loud “crunch!” When she wakes up her ankle is broken and bloody and so is her hip. The stoic 9 year old gets up and with a slight limp walks over to the window where 2 kids ask her what the big crunch was. (They heard it from OUTSIDE?!?) She tells them and they wake her up the next morning to pour a vat of boiling rubber on her ankle in an attempt to make a cast. The rubber is of course to hot and so one of the kids knocks her out one last time. The happy ending is she wakes up and goes inside for a bowl of oatmeal.
I have a few of the pictures beneath. 🙂
Whipping her awake.
Inside the red circle is the un reasonable amount of hair that the guard cut off.
And last but not least pouring the vat of boiling robber on her foot.
Hope you liked this post as much as I liked finding it!
What was your favorite part?